urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0 maskedemotions0 maskedemotions0 2006-06-13T22:17:46Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:3335 2006-06-13T22:17:46Z 2006-06-13T22:17:46Z My Last Breath I'm scared..i dont know what to do with myself anymore. my happiness is gone. and hes found someone else. i heard a lot of things and i want to die now. i'm in so much pain i want someone to put me out of my misery. i found out that the person i used to love isnt who i thought he was. im holding my last breath. i cant do it anymore. i need something to take away the pain. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:3231 2006-06-11T23:10:39Z 2006-06-11T23:10:39Z my immortal i dont know what happened...all of a sudden things just got so complicated...just really hard...and now decisions are coming at me left and right...i dont want to grow up right now. i'm 13 years old i just wanna be young and party. i'm being forced to grow up too quickly and i cant take it anymore. the one thing that kept me happy. the one thing that made me genuinly happy. i never had to put a mask on around him. it was always a real smile with him, a real laugh. i could be me around him...no faking anything. now that one happiness is gone and i dont know what to do. i'm just lost. my mind is filled with thoughts and my eyes have been filled with tears but i feel so empty inside. the party i went to today...everyone was having so much fun...i wasnt. i couldnt have fun. it was like i was missing half of me. i feel like part of me is missing. i feel so vulnerable now. i wish he would call and say i'm sorry i didnt mean it. i'm seeing him tomorrow but i'm scared of what might happen. i dont want him to see me like this. its like i want to be mad at him but at the same time i want him to be happy so he must've done this to be happy. i have so many questions running through my mind. the bigest one is: why did you act like that on thursday if you were just going to dump me?<br /><br />Ok on thursday he was acting like it was the beginning of our relationship...you know PERFECT. it was amazing. he was holdong me and kissing me like it meant something to him. i guess that was all a lie. i'm just so hurt and confused right now and its like everyone is telling me to not go back out with him if the oppertunity arrises. i doubt it will but if it does...i love him so much i dont know if i can say no. i just want my sean back urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:2990 2006-06-02T23:41:40Z 2006-06-02T23:41:40Z I don't know why this is happening again. I'm getting that "break-down" feeling again. The meds are supposed to be helping. I don't want to have a break-down and I don't want to up the dosage. I don't want to be on them in the first place. I'm just really aggravated and really annoyed and my parents are really starting to get to me. I really just want to slap them. They keep asking how I'm feeling. Ok, yes, I'm sick, but BACK OFF! They keep touching my forehead to see if I have a fever. I haven't had a fever in three days. I'm really sick of it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:2734 2006-06-01T18:23:46Z 2006-06-01T18:23:46Z addicted-Kelly Clarkson Sean and I talked. We sorted things out but I still can't help but feel like there's something he's not telling me. He still won't say that he loves me. I don't know why. Maybe there's someone else. Maybe he just doesn't feel the same way. I don't know but if he doesn't like me anymore I'd like to know because it isn't fair to either of us. Leading me on an him being unhappy. I don't know. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:2425 2006-05-30T22:37:28Z 2006-05-30T22:37:28Z addicted-kelly clarkson Why does Sean say one thing and then a week later say something completly different?? Tell me this. On Sunday (not yesterday the last one before yesterday) he was saying that he wanted me back...now he's acting like I'm just some dirt that he can walk all over. I'm sorry but I think that him and I need to talk but he won't let me talk to him. Its like there's a wall surrounding him and stopping me from coming near him. He can't seem to tell me what's going on in his head but he can tell Becca and Jessica. I don't understand how he can talk to his exgirlfriend and my bestfriend, but he just can't tlak to me. I am just so confused and hurt right now. I feel so alone. I don't even care if this sounds emo and stupid. What am I supposed to do? Just sit here and let mself get hurt again? What do you want me to do Sean??? I wish he would just tell me. I wish he would talk to me. I wish he would tell me he loved me. Whenever I tell him I love him he won't say it back anymore. WHAT DO I DO!??!?! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:2090 2006-05-30T19:33:13Z 2006-05-30T19:33:13Z pink-lonely girl Sean is just not being himself. I miss the old Sean. I just want to talk to him and straighten things out, but of course he won't... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:1911 2006-05-28T21:01:48Z 2006-05-28T21:01:48Z Lonely Girl-Pink Today has been the most boring day EVER!!!!!! Times three gillion...by the way gillion is MY WORD!! lol. Anyways...today has consisted of waking up, showering, sitting around, calling Sean, sitting around, playing my clarinet, sitting around, going online, getting a few phone calls, and more sitting around. SO BORED!!! I'm really about to die. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:1543 2006-05-27T17:23:45Z 2006-05-27T17:23:45Z 11:11 pm by All-American Rejects Sometimes I feel as if I just don't know what to do anymore. I just need to be held and when I do its like no one is there to do it. The one person I want to do it isn't there for me at the moment and I feel like he wouldn't understand. I know I sound like a stupid teenager but I do feel like I can't talk to a lot of people because a lot of people are feeling the same way I am so no one will speak up. I don't know who I can turn to anymore. I don't wanna turn to my parents. My friends have there own problems. I can't talk to Sean because it IS him. So I don't know what to do. I just need to be held by him for a while and he can't do that. After that message he wrote me I felt he really did care but now things are back to the way they always were. Oh well I can't have it all. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:1531 2006-05-26T20:05:03Z 2006-05-26T20:33:55Z behind these hazel eyes-kelly clarkson I feel like I'm a bad girlfriend or something. Sean says he's going to stop smoking pot, but I still worry sometimes. I think it's stupid that I worry about it so much and I wish I didn't, but I can't help it. He's sick like I said before so he's been sitting at home doing nothing. I'm afraid of what's gonna happen when he's not sick anymore. Everyone says "It's not that bad," or "Don't worry about it," but I do worry. He's changed. He has these random mood swings where he's...weird. Like it's not him anymore, but a completley different person. Maybe I am a bad girlfriend but am I really wrong to worry? I told myself I wouldn't let anyone of my friends read this but Sean read it last night. Oh well...I just hope he doesn't go and tell his friends everything it said. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:1277 2006-05-25T00:26:36Z 2006-05-25T00:26:36Z Better Life-Keith Urban Well life is just confusing. Sean and I broke up, but we ended up getting back together on our 7 month anniversary and now we are sitting in his room and I'm watching him rest because he's sick. He finally got out today and got some fresh air which was good. I went to a concert at Six Flags and it was amazing! I saw Tyson Ritter and I almost died. I know that makes me sound like one of those stupid little groupir girls, but he is just so hot! Sean is now talking to Kevin (his best friend) , I don't know, nor do I want to know, what they are talking about. They get into some pretty...odd convorsations. Nevertheless I love them both. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:892 2006-05-18T19:40:04Z 2006-05-18T19:40:04Z Complicated-Good Charlotte Today started out to be really good because my good friend Jessica was talking to Sean and she told me something he said. He said "I'm quiting pot." When she asked why he said "Because if I don't Emily will dump me." I thought that was sweet and that he really meant it. I called him after school and he was like yelling into the phone as if he was in a loud place but there wasn't anything in the background and he's hanging out with one, maybe two, of his pot head friends. The friend he's hanging out with is supposed to be hanging out with the "supplier" i guess you could call him. I hope he didn't smoke. I feel bad because I'm going behind his back and getting one of my friends to talk to him to see if he was smoking. Pathetic right? I'm just afraid that if I ask myself he'll lie. I know he wouldn't though. Oh well. I guess I'm just being worried and stupid again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:maskedemotions0:652 2006-05-18T00:17:55Z 2006-05-18T00:17:55Z background music of Ghost Hutners Today was kinda boring. Went to school. Went home. Called Sean. Dropped off something at his house and got a hug ^_^. Then my mother and I went to about 6 stores to buy a dress for the semiformal on Friday. I can't wait it shouold be fun even though I can't go with Sean. He's in the high school and this dance is for middle school only. The teen center and their dumb rules. Anywho...after we bought the most perfect dress EVER I texted Sean to see if he wanted to hang out but he was busy so I ended up sitting at home watching TV and looking for a pair of shoes that I haven't seen in like three months that go perfectly with my dress. My mother says I should look beautiful. I hope so!<br /><br />P.S. I have to do an interveiw with a doctor for a school project...but the only prblem is its at 3:30 on Saturday morning!! As in the 3:30 after midnight...I'm never up that early so that should be interesting.